You were friends in high school…you shared laughter + tears, toothbrushes + boyfriends (and this may have even happened in the same night). You went to college together – made memories by making bad decisions together as friends + as dorm-mates. Fast forward a few years (years that feel like lifetimes) and you notice that you no longer share a dorm or the same taste in boyfriends and aren’t even “tagged” in any of the same facebook albums. Yet, you still make fake plans for sushi. You say your friendly “hellos” when you bump into one another at starbucks, marshalls or the like. And speaking of “like” you “like” a few of their facebook statuses… including the obligatory sparkly diamond ring picture accompanied by the caption, “WE’RE ENGAGED!”.
You feel as though you have pretty much been a part of the planning process since every major (and minor) decision pertaining to the wedding has been blasted in your face via facebook newsfeed. Given the friendship history you think you share, it is safe to assume that about 4-6 weeks before the wedding you should be receiving your invitation to the wedding, right?!
Insert big annoying buzzer sound (HERE) cuz you are so wrong my friend, so wrong. So we aren’t completely cold blooded bitches when it comes to telling you the cold hard wedding facts because let’s face it… maybe you would have gotten an invite if a few other factors weren’t, ummm, factors. We want to spare you the fake sadness when you see all of your friends tagging up a storm in all them wedding pics so consider the brief explanation of “reasons why ya never made the list” your own personal wedding favor from us! But for real, it’s important that you understand some of the logistics that go into planning a wedding. It sort of goes something like this: GUEST LIST: The soon-to-be-married couple sits down + they make a list. Truthfully, two separate lists are likely made (sometimes 4) and then combined…and then passed along to the planner for review. When our clients send us their lists there are sometimes 200+ people on them. And guess what kids.. that list often has to get cut in ½ whether due to budget, venue or simply the desired wedding style (intimate vs. ummm massive). So if you are simply a distant friend – this right here is where you face the chopping block… sometimes ya get the short end of the stick and ya get cut! Oh and NOT EVERYONE NEEDS A PLUS ONE. The happy couple shouldn’t be meeting guests for the first time at their own wedding if money is tight in the first place.
And if it is BUDGET, chew on this:
The cost of CATERING (food/beverage/staff/etc) is often broken down per person. This amount can start at around $45 a person to well over $100+ per person, depending on the selected caterer, style of service and menu. Also a BIG factor: rentals… I mean, you need to have tables, linens, china, flatware, stemware, chairs, catering equipment, etc etc etc. (if off-premise), right!?
If it is simply a CAPACITY issue then this might be a helpful reminder:
VENUE options may be limited the higher your number of guests…remember they have maximum capacities. And sometimes the bride/groom will fall in love with a venue that can only host a portion of their desired guest list…. so ya just might get the 86!
If you are lucky enough to get the invite but ya don’t get the “plus-one” and you are bitching about it, I don’t have any advice for you except to “get the eff over it, it’s not your day or your money”.
INTIMATE vs ummm not so much: I mean, maybe the bride and groom just want a smaller scaled celebration so that they can engage with each guest and not feel like they are exploiting themselves. Maybe the couple is uncomfortable with a massive amount of attention and pressure to entertain that many guests. If this is the case, then hear me when I say (again) get the eff over it… it is not your day.
The truth is as we grow up and inevitably become different people with different interests and different social circles our priorities change. Forget the old saying that high school years were your glory days; the real glory is making a life for yourself and finding happiness in all of the new experiences and people we choose to have them with. If that doesn’t involve friends from your past, that’s ok – but don’t hold a grudge with the bride-to-be if her guest list doesn’t involve you or your random date. In other words, don’t go “defriending” them in fake FB life or in real life. Continue making those fake plans and liking their statuses and saying your friendly hello’s. Who knows, maybe life will take you full circle and you will eventually share your toothbrushes again. Ew. Let’s hope not.